ORIGIN
I was raised in a Christian household and that has absolutely benefited my life in every way. I was very blessed to have been raised in such a loving home, with parents that would do the very best they could to lead by Jesus’ example. As I got older, I realized there aren’t many families as blessed as mine, that still until this day watch movies regularly together. Although I always considered myself a Christian, a majority of my childhood was simply following what my parents told me to do. I wouldn’t say that’s a bad thing though. Because of that, I was able to have a stronger sense of morals than some of my peers. Also, the constant reminder that my parents and Jesus would always love me unconditionally had given me more self confidence than many girls around me. Even though I haven’t always been a passionate Christian, it’s always been a huge part of me and the way I am.
SURROUNDINGS
In addition to my household, I grew up with a great church community. Cornerstone Community Church was a small non-denominational church where I grew from playing a little lamb to playing a glorious angel in the annual Christmas plays. Every Sunday, a group of 5-10 families (plus a few others) would migrate to a lunch spot and fellowship together. Part of that group is my best friend, Kristen. Actually, best friend is an understatement. You see, our parents are best friends. In fact, they’re so close that I visited Kristen at the hospital when she was born, even though I was only two months old. Although our childish attitudes were bound to cause us to butt heads every once in a while, somehow we still ended up staying best friends until this day. It’s actually even more surprising we’re still so close because we never went to the same school. Having that separation of friends (school vs. church) had it’s conflicts at times, but Kristen was always a Christian friend I could count on. Having our parents basically raise us together is what makes us so alike as adults. Beyond simply being a normal best friend, Kristen has been a major contributor to my walk in faith because we’ve always had similar struggles with it, and having that person that always understands and accepts you is rare.
HIGH SCHOOL REFLECTION
Throughout high school, I continued to attend church with my parents every week. I was one of those teenagers that was always out with friends, and probably spent way more effort on pep-squad related activities than church-related activities. I had many different groups of friends, and although a few of my friends at school were also Christian, in most cases I was known as the “Christian one” in the group. Despite how some movies make it seem, I enjoyed having that reputation because it gave me a sense of respect for myself. However, it still had its downsides. There were a few Christians at my school that were deemed as judgemental, and I never wanted to be thought of as that type of Christian. Although no one directly made me feel like they saw me that way, there were a few instances where some friends wouldn’t be completely honest with me because they felt embarrassed by some of their decisions. In addition to that, it was harder for me to balance time with my school friends versus time with my church friends because I would get a case of FOMO (fear of missing out).
On another note, during my freshman year, my mom was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. Although I was clearly old enough to understand what was going on, I still feel like that part of my life was a blur. I remember her losing her hair. I remember her being very tired and weak. I remember visiting her in the hospital. But the one thing I don’t ever remember was me being scared. You would think I would’ve been heartbroken at the thought of losing my mom, but the crazy part is that I never thought I would lose her. At least not like this. That’s because my mom was the most positive light the entire time. Her faith kept her so strong and optimistic that she never once worried me. As oblivious and naive as I may sound, I am so grateful that God protected me from the heartbreak. I’ve always believed that your mind contributes to your physical health, and my mom’s positivity was proof of that because she has now been cancer free for 11 years.
For my mandatory physical education credits, I chose to take a beginners dance class freshman year and an intermediate level dance class my sophomore year. I never studied dance before and I ended up loving it. Considering I had no prior training, my technique was pretty decent by the end of my sophomore year, so I decided to try out for the advanced dance team. I wasn’t extremely confident, however all of my friends suggested I was a shoo-in. That build up made it that much more devastating when I found out I didn’t make the team. A few weeks later, I stumbled upon tryouts for the songleading team. Even though I missed the beginning half of the week, the routines seemed easy enough that I decided to give it a shot anyways. Despite missing half of tryouts, I made the varsity team and absolutely loved being apart of pep squad my junior and senior year. What does this have to do with my faith you ask? Well this is one of the first times I truly felt the outcome turned out way better than what I thought I wanted, and therefore according to God’s plan. It is since then that I have thanked God for everything that didn’t turn out my way because I believe He always has something better in store for me.
Halfway through high school, my church had merged with another and moved from Cerritos to Brea. Although my parents were used to driving to Cerritos every week, they weren’t fans of the idea of having to drive even further. At this point, my brother had branched off on his own to a different church with his friends, and so my parents and I searched for a church closer to home. That is how my parents, myself, and Kristen’s family found ourselves at South Bay Community Church. Even though this was our new home church, I never joined the youth groups because I felt that it would be awkward to join a group of kids from the same high school as me that were already in a tight knit group. Eventually I left for a college six hours away anyways.
COLLEGE REFLECTION
My college years are where I felt like it was completely on me to keep up with my faith. As much as I hate to admit it, I didn’t do such a great job of that my freshman year. I lived up the college lifestyle as much as I could, and it didn’t faze me that my cheerleading practices took up my Sunday mornings. It wasn’t until the end of freshman year that my new Christian boyfriend made me realize I wasn’t as Christian as I claimed to be. Although we concluded that we made better friends, he still took me to a church in the next city over. When he graduated, I didn’t have the desire to continue attending that church since I didn’t feel a real connection with it. However, he introduced me to a friend that invited me to a different church closer by.
My first time at High Street Community Church wasn’t a normal service. Out of all weeks, one of the dedicated church members suddenly passed away. So the service I sat through was prominently a reflection of his life. Many of the members apologized to me as they didn’t want that depressing service to steer me away from the church. However it did just the opposite. I felt the love that came from such a small, intimate church where everyone knew everyone. But that wasn’t what sold me. During the service they announced that they were in major need for help in childcare during Sunday service. Anyone who knows me knows that I am absolutely obsessed with babies and helping in childcare was something I already had plenty of experience with at my old church. That announcement truly made me feel like God was telling me that this was where I needed to be. In addition to childcare, I had mentors through the church and I joined the college group. The college group conveniently met immediately after service and they would feed us poor college students every week. I attempted to strengthen my faith through this church up until graduation.
HOME SWEET HOME
After being more involved with my college church, I wanted to feel more connected to SBCC when I moved back home. Feeling that my love for babies is my spiritual gift from God, Kristen and I volunteered for the infant ministry. The next year we volunteered to host a three year old group for the church’s VBS (vacation bible school). After seeing how much we loved the kids, the KidzKrew leader asked if we would help with the three years during services regularly. To this day, we work together for both ministries numerous times a month. A couple years in, we decided to join a freeway women’s group which we continued for another year and a half. Although it was a meaningful experience, we felt that we didn’t connect with the group as much as we had hoped considering the members kept changing. Additionally, my constant traveling for work made it difficult for me to consistently attend meetings. Even though that particular group didn’t work out for me long term, I made some great connections from it.
SPIRITUAL BUILD-UP
Throughout the past few years, I’ve struggled with the idea of getting baptized. I hated when people would ask because I felt embarrassed to say that I’ve been a Christian my whole life and still haven’t been baptized. I felt even more embarrassed when my friend’s mom asked where my bible was and I realized I couldn’t remember having a personal bible since my youth days. As embarrassed as I was, I just didn’t feel ready to be baptized. I would hear people’s testimonies about how there was some life-changing moment where they just felt God rush through them and that was it - that was the moment they accepted Christ into their hearts. But if I’ve known Jesus my whole life, when would be considered the moment I accepted Him? I prayed the prayer of Him coming into my heart and taking over my life a million times. I prayed for the feeling to just be completely overwhelmed by Him. Yet I continued to struggle when I would see other Christians so much more passionate about Him than me. I waited and hoped to have that life-changing moment without some sort of heartbreak or loss. I wanted to wait until I had a story worth telling and a passion worth sharing.
COMMENCEMENT
Prior to my trip to Uganda (a.k.a. My first mission trip, a.k.a. The best experience of my life), I was told we would have the option to get baptized at the Nile River while we were there. I jokingly nudged my mom saying, “How cool would it be if I got baptized in the Nile River?!” Although I had absolutely no intention of actually doing so since I still didn’t feel ready. During the beginning of the trip, we visited Prayer Mountain, where we split up to have some individual quiet time. I stayed with my new friend, Berkley, a 17-year old that seemed immensely more spiritual than me. I casually asked her how she knew she was ready to be baptized, and while she answered, tears started streaming down my face. I had no idea why I got emotional about it. Once the group reassembled, the woman leading us for the day, Sharon, briefly shared her testimony about how she grew up Christian and didn’t have that life-changing story to tell. It was like she knew exactly what I was just telling Berkley. She had the same story as me. Again, tears started streaming down my face.
Throughout the week, I would get emotional simply at the thought of baptism and I felt this constant reminder that I wasn’t a good enough Christian to get baptized yet. Although I knew this negative mindset was just the devil testing me, I couldn’t help but feel that way. Finally, the day before our Nile trip, I spoke with Pastor Josh. He reminded me that I don’t need to be at a certain spiritual level to be baptized. Instead, my baptism will open my heart to Jesus to strengthen me spiritually. It’s a working relationship, not an instant change of heart. Even though I felt like I already knew that, it somehow made the crying stop. The rest of the day I could think of baptism and no longer feel heavy about the idea. The fact that I felt so emotional about baptism for a week and a half made me feel like that was God’s way of telling me it was my time. So I got baptized in the Nile River on June 25, 2019!
After the trip, I was invited to a young adult bible study. I’ve always been hesitant to join small church groups because I feared being judged. At this point, Kristen and I were searching for different things in a small group, so the idea of checking this one out without her concerned me even more. Fortunately for me, I instantly connected with the girls in the group and quickly felt comfortable with everyone else. Not all small groups mesh nicely, but somehow we got along so well that we regularly (almost weekly) get together outside of bible study. Additionally, the group is led by Pastor Dave (a.k.a. Davey) who embodies the perfect balance of leadership and friendship that I was hoping for in a leader. I am so grateful that the Lord has blessed me with a new group brothers and sisters in Christ that I always look forward to spending time with.
CONCLUSION...FOR NOW
While I can’t say I felt a 180 degree shift since my baptism, I definitely noticed some changes in my mindset. For instance, more of my prayers are focused on His plan for me and less pressure on what I want. I absolutely love sharing details about my missionary trip and trying to recruit people to join me next time. I feel more confident speaking about Jesus even if I still feel very unknowledgeable. I still have some questions of my own, but I feel more assured that the purpose of my life is to share His love in whatever way I can. I have also connected with the verse:
Psalm 37:4 (NIV) “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
I feel that many people misinterpret this verse, thinking that they will get what their heart wants. However, I’ve learned it means that the more you delight in the Lord, the more your desires will align with His. While I still have much growing to do, I have already felt myself wanting different things in life in ways that I think the Lord would smile upon. One thing I’ve always believed is that I’m not only blessed with an amazing life, I’m also blessed to have the ability to acknowledge and appreciate the blessings I have. I think that’s the reason why I’ve always been so happy and optimistic in my life. It’s because I’m able to focus on the good and know that the hard moments I experience are still a part of His plan for me. From here on, I pray that my faith will stay strong and continue to deepen.